“I do not deserve happiness. I can’t do anything right.”
“Every time I start something, I give up. I don’t want to fail.”
“I will never get better.”
“I am not worthy.”
“Why am I like this?”
“Everyone leaves me.”
“I hate myself.”
If you have ever said any of these things to yourself, or something similar, you are not alone. Our minds can be our own worst enemy, feeding us lies that we come to believe. But our minds can also be a powerful tool in expanding our worldviews, relating to one another, dissecting complex issues, solving problems, and therefore learning and growing into our highest potential.
I started my mental health journey of recovery when I was 23 years old. For much of my young adult years, I felt depressed, anxious, and like I couldn’t be honest with myself or with others. I developed a need for constant external affirmation and relied on relationships, drugs, and alcohol to not only numb out my pain, but to forget that I was extremely unhappy with myself and my life. Eventually I decided to check myself into rehab to work on my mental health and my addiction to drugs and alcohol.
I started my journey feeling hopeless and helpless; I convinced myself that I would always be stuck in my old ways and thought patterns, much like the ones listed above. I felt alone in my experience. However, I met counselors and peers along the way who understood me, who validated me, who helped me see that I am worthy and important.
It was and is hard work. Developing self-awareness and studying our deepest, darkest parts of ourselves is no small feat. It is scary. But it IS possible.
I encourage you to be vulnerable, to be brave, to let go. That’s how I did it and do it every day. I am gentle with myself. I invite all my thoughts and emotions to the forefront with grace. I try not to judge myself when I am feeling particularly low or anxious. I know that I can exist with my pain, and I also know that I can celebrate every part of who I am.
Your emotions are valid. Your pain is valid. It’s what makes us human.
We are all human.
Time for practice! Here is a tool that I use daily when I am feeling all the feels:
I think to myself, “What do I absolutely know to be true?” This is similar to words of affirmation, but can feel more accessible and easier to come up with if you do not necessarily believe yourself when you recite or write your words of affirmations. This is a beneficial tool to use before and after words of affirmation.
These can be small things or big things. For example:
“I know that I have a dog who is the best dog in the world, and I love her so much and she loves me too.”
“I know that I love cheese.” (The small ones can make you laugh, and laughing is good for the soul.)
“I know that I have a best friend who loves and cares for me.”
“I know that I am a kind person.”
“I know that my journey is my own and that I am figuring it out as I go…at a pace that feels comfortable to me.”
Stating what you absolutely know to be true can provide comfort. It can provide a sense of control when things feel out of control. It can help remind you of the good that you do have in your life.
If negative thoughts come up, try not to judge them. Welcome them. Let them in, acknowledge them, and try not to ignore them. At the same time, try not to dwell on them. If you find yourself fixating on a negative thought, write it down and bring it to your next therapy session so you and your therapist can discover why you are thinking it and what you can do to overcome it! Embrace the journey. Remember, you are human.
About the author: Lindsay grew up in the mountains of Colorado and currently lives in Denver, CO. She has experience working in early childhood education and school psychology. She is passionate about mental health and believes that with the right tools, anyone can become who they aspire to be. Although not necessarily what she imagined, she is grateful for her life and is happy to be on the path that she is on now. She recently celebrated seven months of sobriety and is experiencing and embracing life at her own pace, one day at a time. "Life can be spicy, but it sure is fun."
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